This retelling of the classic tale can be found in my book The Doug Skinner Dossier. Both Hansel and Gretel are based closely on my sister. Here’s how it begins.

HANSEL AND GRETEL AND I

Hansel and Gretel and I lived with our father and evil stepmother in a little bungalow out near the forest. Our mother was eaten by a bear when we were very young. Our father had remarried, and our evil stepmother made life difficult for us. She tried to poison our apples, but we only sickened. She encouraged us to play with bear cubs, but they ran away. She sometimes threw knives at us, claiming that her hand had slipped. Our father was busy making cuckoo clocks, and was oblivious to all of this. He was in a world of his own.
One sunny morning, our evil stepmother led us into the darkest and thickest part of the forest, gave us each a lunchbox, and ran away cackling.
“She’s abandoning us here,” I said.
“No she’s not,” said Gretel.
“She’ll be back,” said Hansel.
“She’s an evil stepmother,” I pointed out.
“We know she’s an evil stepmother,” snapped Gretel. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
“You only see the negative side of things,” added Hansel.
“But she keeps trying to kill us,” I said.
“No she doesn’t,” said Hansel.
“She throws knives at us,” I said.
“She told us that her hand slipped,” said Gretel.
“It’s wrong to accuse people of lying,” said Hansel.
“Besides,” said Gretel, “Mama is an angel in heaven now. She’ll watch over us.”
“That’s not how it works,” I said.
Gretel gazed upward, her eyes pearling with tears. “I miss you, Mama,” she whispered.
“She died when you were a year old,” I said. “You can’t possibly remember her.”
“Some people remember better than others,” Gretel archly replied…