Doug Skinner: An Archive on Your Gizmo

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Trevor’s New Job

July 27th, 2015 · No Comments

Here’s another excerpt from The Doug Skinner Dossier (see last post). It’s the first bit of “Trevor’s New Job.”

TREVOR’S NEW JOB

“I didn’t think I’d need a job in the afterlife,” said Trevor.

Mr. Wallingford smirked at him from across his desk. “Didn’t you need a job in life?” he asked.

“Well, yes,” said Trevor, “but I thought I’d be a spirit here.”

“Spirit is just attenuated matter,” explained Mr. Wallingford, “and everything is as solid to us here as it is to the living. And just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you get free food and rent.” He thumped his desk for emphasis. It sounded solid to Trevor.

Mr. Wallingford picked up a sheet of paper.

“You,” he said, “will be put to work acting in people’s dreams.”

“What?” said Trevor. “Don’t people just dream?”

“Of course not. Dreams are professionally produced, and broadcast into sleeping brains.”

“What’s the point of that?”

“The point of all broadcasting: advertising. The sleeper may not remember his dreams, but his unconscious remembers the product.”

“Don’t I get to choose my job?” asked Trevor.

“Free will ended with your last heartbeat,” Mr. Wallingford curtly informed him. “Things are less anarchic on this side.”…

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The Doug Skinner Dossier

July 8th, 2015 · No Comments

dossier-cover

The Doug Skinner Dossier is now available from Black Scat Books! This blessed compendium features articles, short stories, verses, columns, literary essays, alphabets, metrical translations, monologues, talks, cartoons, rounds, lipogrammatic smut, a puppet show, a ventriloquism routine, and a one-act play.  248 pages of pure, unadulterated Skinner. Holy cow!

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The Glorious Town (2)

July 1st, 2015 · 2 Comments

This is the first page of the illustrated version of the verses that I posted here. This too will appear in The Doug Skinner Dossier, out later this month from Black Scat Books.

GLOWTOWNPIC

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Baby Bay

June 24th, 2015 · 3 Comments

Here’s the beginning of a short story, “Baby Bay.” The whole thing will appear in The Doug Skinner Dossier, to be published next month by Black Scat Books. You can read this while you wait…

BABY BAY

High up in the treetops, old Mr. Stork shuffled into the Baby Bay, and peered over his specs at the day’s deliveries.

Now, you may not know this, but when a man and woman copulate and produce a baby, either by accident or design, it goes to old Mr. Stork’s Baby Bay for delivery. There, old Mr. Stork’s young assistant, Henry, sorts all of the infants by zip code, and lays them in the outgoing bins for delivery. Old Mr. Stork wraps each one in a reasonably clean piece of cloth, and then flies off with the bundle in his beak. If he doesn’t sneeze or something, he leaves it under a cabbage leaf, where the new parents track it by its smell. This is easier than pushing it out through a vagina.

As old Mr. Stork looked over the squalling infants, he blanched, which is difficult through feathers.

“Criminy!” he expostulated. “This is the ugliest bunch yet.”

Henry shook his head sadly. “Another church picnic,” he explained.

“I need some coffee,” muttered old Mr. Stork, backing out of the room.

Storks don’t usually drink coffee, but old Mr. Stork had a difficult job, and needed his stimulants.

Henry fell into a reverie, daydreaming about his intended, Samantha, and her inviting cloaca. Maybe some day they would have four yellowish eggs of their own…

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Humor

June 8th, 2015 · 5 Comments

A brief essay on the nature of humor. This page will appear in The Doug Skinner Dossier, to be published next month by Black Scat Books.

HUMOR

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A Curious Physiological Industry

June 1st, 2015 · 2 Comments

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Just in time for June Gloom, Black Scat Books proudly presents the first in a series of Black Scat Broadsides: Alphonse Allais’s “A Curious Physiological Industry,” translated by Doug Skinner. In the spirit of Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” this rare text is the master absurdist at his devilish best — a full-color, poster-sized (12 x 18 inches) collector’s broadsheet edition. Printed on acid-free paper and suitable for framing. $10, from Black Scat Books.

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Index Cards (77)

May 27th, 2015 · 2 Comments

INDEX77

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A Leaf

May 19th, 2015 · 3 Comments

A brief round, after Remy de Gourmont.

ALEAF3

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Another Spirit Trapped in Flesh

May 13th, 2015 · 2 Comments

ANOTHER

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Masks

May 7th, 2015 · 4 Comments

masks-cover

In 2012, Norman Conquest kicked off the Absurdist Texts and Documents series at Black Scat Books with his illustrated adaptation of Alphonse Allais’s story Un drame bien parisien. The original limited edition is now out of print. He has just republished a new expanded edition, with an introduction and notes by Doug Skinner. You can find it at Black Scat Books. Alphonse rides again!

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